A bit of normalcy

Today feels so right. My girls are home and I'm feeling so at ease. They fight so much after school I wondered if things could be peaceful again with both of them home. Things are perfect. I had suspected that stress led them to fight each other and their brothers so much and it was. Don't get me wrong, they fought before they started school but the amount and intensity has about tripled since then. That's really saying a lot since they aren't here half as much yet the fighting is three times as much! And no, this isn't an exaggeration. I can't wait for them to be home for good. I really miss this.

I've also noticed that when writing I don't talk about our day to day stuff anymore. In older blogs, my entries were filled with the things we'd done during the day. It's not that way anymore. Things seem so empty without my daughters around. Today is so full already. I've done my normal stuff but the excitement I've been missing is back! Not that it's been a busy day. It isn't. It's been a really lazy day full with cleaning, clothes and planning. But even though that is all we've done we've seen lots of art done by my girls, Chris isn't stuck to his computer like he'd normally be, Zach and Nicky are off playing peacefully together(after they finished singing to me and dancing), the girls seem obedient and loving again. They don't have these nasty attitudes that they somehow grow at school. They are being them. It only took 2 days, they haven't been to school since Wednesday.

I'm really hoping we get to go on the trip with our group on Wednesday. My van is really acting up. We're pretty sure the issue is the fuel pump. Mack will probably take it in on Monday. It would probably be best if he went in today. I can't be stuck in the house this week. I really want to make this a week to remember since the girls are home and I've been stuck around the house first due to pregnancy exhaustion and then for the first weeks after baby was born. Speaking of my little Aaron- he's a month old! I can't believe it's been a month already. The memory of his birth is so clear to me. I hope it's always so clear. Nicky's has never faded. I can remember it as if it were yesterday. The hospital births and all the frustrations that came with them have never been so clear. Not sure if that is because of all the drugs or simply because part of me wants to forget certain parts. Not that much of most of those births weren't happy, they were, I just felt very violated and my wishes and concerns were so often ignore. I'm still trying to make peace, especially with my c-sections. I'm not sure I'll ever make peace with the nightmare that was Frankie's birth. Had any of the staff had any compassion, it may not have been so horrible.

Aaron Joseph's birth story

My youngest child is 3 weeks old. I just feel the need to put his birth story someplace :-)

On February 27, at 41 weeks 6 days, I started having some contractions at around 4:00. I’d been having them on and off for days so didn’t think too much of it. At around 6 they hadn’t stopped and I noticed that I’d also developed a leak. I went along as usual and the contractions started to pick up. I had my husband fill the pool in the hope that I might have the baby faster than my last or at least have some pain relief as things got more difficult. While in the pool at around 10 I got a big gush of fluid. I had several more gushes over the next few hours. One of which caused my oldest to stay away, he thought I peed myself, LOL! I labored all night and through the morning until about 11:00. At this point my contractions slowly tapered off and spaced to about 20 minutes apart after a couple hours. I stalled in my last labor at around this time so I thought it was just normal for me. After about 4 hours with no progress I did ask my husband to have a quick feel to see if I had made any progress at all and I had. I started to wonder after about 5 hours so I called a couple friends and got online. After a while I realized I wasn’t sure I wanted transition to come. I’d had some worries about how things happened in my last labor. I was worried about the pain as well as the lack of an urge to push. Although I thought I’d put these feelings aside they were still there. I asked my friend her opinion and she was blunt and honest, her words were what got me through the hardest part of my labor. She told me I needed to decide now if I wanted another major surgery or if I could put my fears aside and allow my body to do what it needed to do. My contractions were back before our conversation had ended. I knew the hospital was not the place for me but if I didn’t allow my body to continue that is exactly where I would end up. My labor was back in full force by 8:30. I labored on-with a little help from Bob Marley‘s music- without too much problem until around 9 when I got this pain. It wasn’t like any others and didn’t come with every contraction at first. I knew I was well into transition because this was the exact way things happened when I had my last homebirth. I was still hoping to get the urge to push so I did what I could to get through them. Soon it became apparent that I was losing control. I screamed, begged and prayed for this pain to stop! It’s odd, this kind of pain for me is almost like an urge to push. Once I literally couldn’t get through them I knew I had to push and my baby was born in less than 15 minutes at 10:32 pm on February 28-his brother‘s birthday. I pushed in my bed on all fours which is new for me. I was able to guide his head out by using small pushes with no tearing and hardly any hint of the ring of fire but my husband caught. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him more proud of himself. All in all it was a great birth and I’m so happy that my little one is here now. My oldest son(10) cut the cord. He was a little nervous and worried about hurting the baby at first but he did a great job! My 7 year old daughter clamped it, my husband coached her through. My 2 year old was the best little labor partner, he kept me happy and laughing during times when I didn’t think I could. My 8 year old slept through the birth she tried so hard to see. She’s quite the little midwife already. She was up with me half the first night doing anything I asked from poring water on my tummy to passing me drinks without so much as a word. After things settled we got him weighed and checked his length. He weighs 9 pounds 2 ounces and is 22 inches long. He’s my largest baby. He’s nursing well so far and is quite a demanding little guy!