A bit of normalcy

Today feels so right. My girls are home and I'm feeling so at ease. They fight so much after school I wondered if things could be peaceful again with both of them home. Things are perfect. I had suspected that stress led them to fight each other and their brothers so much and it was. Don't get me wrong, they fought before they started school but the amount and intensity has about tripled since then. That's really saying a lot since they aren't here half as much yet the fighting is three times as much! And no, this isn't an exaggeration. I can't wait for them to be home for good. I really miss this.

I've also noticed that when writing I don't talk about our day to day stuff anymore. In older blogs, my entries were filled with the things we'd done during the day. It's not that way anymore. Things seem so empty without my daughters around. Today is so full already. I've done my normal stuff but the excitement I've been missing is back! Not that it's been a busy day. It isn't. It's been a really lazy day full with cleaning, clothes and planning. But even though that is all we've done we've seen lots of art done by my girls, Chris isn't stuck to his computer like he'd normally be, Zach and Nicky are off playing peacefully together(after they finished singing to me and dancing), the girls seem obedient and loving again. They don't have these nasty attitudes that they somehow grow at school. They are being them. It only took 2 days, they haven't been to school since Wednesday.

I'm really hoping we get to go on the trip with our group on Wednesday. My van is really acting up. We're pretty sure the issue is the fuel pump. Mack will probably take it in on Monday. It would probably be best if he went in today. I can't be stuck in the house this week. I really want to make this a week to remember since the girls are home and I've been stuck around the house first due to pregnancy exhaustion and then for the first weeks after baby was born. Speaking of my little Aaron- he's a month old! I can't believe it's been a month already. The memory of his birth is so clear to me. I hope it's always so clear. Nicky's has never faded. I can remember it as if it were yesterday. The hospital births and all the frustrations that came with them have never been so clear. Not sure if that is because of all the drugs or simply because part of me wants to forget certain parts. Not that much of most of those births weren't happy, they were, I just felt very violated and my wishes and concerns were so often ignore. I'm still trying to make peace, especially with my c-sections. I'm not sure I'll ever make peace with the nightmare that was Frankie's birth. Had any of the staff had any compassion, it may not have been so horrible.

Spring!

I'd grown quite tired of all the Panera meeting with homeschool group I LOVE my group but Panera and my toddler don't mix well. I just checked our meeting places and I'm so happy it's spring! We have lots of fun places to go this month.

April 1- 11:30a.m., Morton Arboretum, Lisle
Let’s meet in the Children’s area, using the visitor center as a warming area if needed. Dress for the weather.Cost: $7 Adults, $5 Youth, free children under 2 Morton Arboretum website: http://www.mortonarb.org/

April 8 - *1:00.*, Bowling, Fox Bowl, Wheaton
Join us for an afternoon of bowling. Outside food will be allowed but no messy foods such as popcorn or chips. Cost: $2.50 per game with free shoe rental. 1101 Butterfield Road, Wheaton.http://www.foxbowl.com/.

April 15 – 11:30a.m, Cosley Zoo, Wheaton http://www.wheatonparkdistrict.com/pgs/parks/cosley/default.htmlOlder Kids: Enjoy the zoo area together and then have some fun playing in Cosley’s open area where we can also have lunch.For the younger group, Dee has scheduled a program to start at 11:30. The class is for the little guys ages 4-2nd grade level. The cost is 4.50 per child, 3 chaperons are free but additional chaperons will have to pay 1.50. Please let Dee know if you plan to attend the program. The class description is below:
CRITTER CLASS INFO
This class is designed to introduce your students to the concept of sorting animals into groups.We will also discover adaptations that help mammals, birds, reptiles, and amphibians to survive in their environments.Students will view pictures, touch biofacts, and meet live animals to reinforce what they have learned.

April 22 – 11:30 Cantigny, Wheaton
We will be climbing on the tanks in the tank park and visiting the First Division Museum. Cantigny Website: http://www.cantigny.org/Cost: $5 a car

April 29 11:30 Blackwell Forest Preserve, Warrenville
The main entrance is on the north side of Butterfield Road, 1/4 mile west of Winfield Road and one mile east of Route 59.Dupage Forest Website: http://www.dupageforest.com/PRESERVES/blackwell.html*11:30 a.m. Bike ride, Meet just inside park entrance, lst parking lot on right.Bring your bikes and join us on a 6 mile bike ride to McKee Marsh and back. The entire length of the ride will be on a bike path.*12:30 p.m. Picnic & Lawn Sports, West ShelterBring lunch for your family and any of your favorite lawn games such as croquet, bocce, horseshoes, etc…

Ped's appointment

Yesterday my two baby boys went to the doctor. My shadow, a.k.a. Chris came with me. Zach and the girls stayed at grandma's house. The girls got their hair braided. I'm free from their hair for 2-3 weeks! Yay! I just have to remember to have them tie it up.

Aaron will be a month old tomorrow so it was his one month check up and first appointment. He's 39 ounces above his lowest weight at 10 pounds 9 ounces. He gained that in 2 weeks. I guess the foremilk imbalance isn't a big deal. The doctor didn't think I should worry about the green poops. He has some newborn acne, I really hope it does away soon. He has 100000 little red bumps on his face. He also has thrush. I can barely feel it so I'm in a BIG hurry to get it gone. Thrush is horrible and I'm trying to get rid of it before I feel any real pain. The ped wrote a prescription for me for Dr. Newman's all purpose nipple ointment. The only problem is finding somewhere to get it filled. Apparently, it has to be filled at a compounding pharmacy. It's not something that comes by the tube, it has to be mixed and very few pharmacies do this. I'm sure I'll have to pay for it as I seriously doubt it's covered. I just hope it doesn't cost some insane amount.

Nick's doing fine. He's finally gained a couple more pounds. He was stuck at 25 for a long while now he weighs 27 pounds and 8 ounces. No issues at all but he refused to talk for the ped. He won't stop talking at home. The ped mentioned getting Nick retested for iron and lead but I didn't even get him tested the first time until a couple months ago. I know his iron is good, it was 12.8 last week. She said no need to have it done again right now. I will probably let him at 2 and a half.

The appointment was pretty nice. I had fun freaking the medical student out before the doctor came in, lol. The idea of a homebirth without vitamin K, eye ointment, declining shots and a toddler who still only drinks breastmilk made her think we were a bit nuts. Then for the doctor to come in and act like it wasn't a big deal made it even worse. Seeing the shocked look on her face after having spoken with me for 20 minutes the doctor explained her stance on patients like me. We both have a mutual goal, healthy kids. There is no need to be upset because I go against what most would do since we're all trying to do best by our children. Even kids who whose parents make choice like mine deserve to be seen. I really like her. It's only the second time we've seen her. The first time was mostly an interview. She did a few things today that I was happy about. She didn't touch either of my boys' penis. While she was checking that are I did say please don't retract and she said she would never do that. She didn't bitch about Aaron not getting Vitamin K and eye ointment. She didn't even ask. She didn't act like having a homebirth was irresponsible and even remembered talking to me 4 months ago about VBAC bans giving moms little to no options. She never once mentioned weaning Nicky or putting him on any cow's milk. She put a note on his nystatin to be honored for up to a month because I told her that I would be using a natural remedy first(it worked really well for Nicky). She wrote me a prescription for a medicine she's never heard of because I asked. She did look it up first but she was perfectly happy to do it. She never once mentioned a Hep B vaccine. She did say she'd heard of cases of hemophilus influenza in Pennsylvania and if it moves any closer to Illinois, I might want to consider it. She went on to answer all the questions I had about it AND admit when she simply didn't know the answer. I've never seen a doctor with such a lack of God complex. I'm in love, lol.

Afterwards, we went to get the big kids. The girls look so nice. I tried to wait around for my mom but she made a stop and I was so ready to be at home. I fed the kids near my mom's house so they ate crap :( It's nearly impossible to find real juice in that area so finding decent food wasn't going to happen. We just snacked when we got home, it was too late to cook. I'm going to try to get the kids to the zoo at some point this weekend. I have a membership, I may as well take advantage. The girls don't have to go to their jail....er, school next week so they'll be with us at homeschool group! We'll have a blast. I'm going to find a field trip for everyday if the weather lets me. It's just too cold to be out in the cold much with Aaron.

Newborn screening woes

After Aaron was born I had to find some way to get his newborn screening done. I thought about getting an exemption but I wanted him tested. I called my old midwife(the one I used for Nick's birth) to see if she'd be willing and she was for a fee. So she came and poked him and filled the bubbles as best she could. She only brought one lancet and he didn't bleed very well so she did the best she could(though since that was ALL I asked her to do and I paid her I think she should have been better prepared). Today I got a letter asking for me to resubmit the test because the bubbles weren't filled well enough. The bubbles must be filled and the blood must show through on both side of the form. I'm certainly NOT calling her again. She was kind of rough with his foot and had she brought a second lancet all the extra effort wouldn't have even been needed. I called our peds office and they don't usually do them since most babies get it done at the hospital. I talked to the newborn nursery people at the hospital they are affiliated with and they don't do it unless the baby was born there. After calling around and then waiting for 2 hours they said they could refer me to have it done when I bring him in tomorrow. Then, I started to think. I remembered Zach's little heal after his. I'm also pretty sure they won't let me nurse him through like the midwife would. The only reason I couldn't do it myself is because I don't have the form. I called the Illinois Department of Public Health about it to see what I could find out about the retesting. I found out a couple facts: You don't need any special certification or training to be allowed to do this test. They don't even ask for the name of the person who did it if you check the homebirth box. The people in the office are very nice and more than willing to send you this form. Inhishands.com sells the lancets to prick baby's heal so I ordered 3 incase we run into a problem. The blood gets clotting ability at day 8 and Aaron, who is now almost 4 weeks old, barely bled on day 3. I'm assuming it'll be even more difficult to get enough blood than it was the first time. So, I'll do it myself. I wish I'd thought to call them before. I could have saved myself a lot of worry and time. If I ever have another baby in Illinois, I'll remember this info. I really hope it works this time. This whole newborn screening problem has been a huge pain in my butt.

Good Morning!

I feel refreshed today :-) I really want to go somewhere, just like yesterday. I might go to homeschool group even though I really don't want to go to Panera. I just want to be out and about. We've had breakfast. We had steel cut oats with honey, fresh fruit and yogurt on top. It was yummy but the girls are less willing to eat new things thanks to the great school lunches. I mean what could be healthier then the pizza, hot dogs, candy and chocolate milk they get on a daily basis? I'm dripping with sarcasm in case that fact was missed. I finally told Frankie to tell them not to give her more candy. It was getting ridiculous, she actually brought me the candy yesterday instead of eating it. The boys really liked our breakfast, which makes me happy. I'm not sure if I'll make lunch or if well eat at Panera. I'll probably make it. Panera gets pricey if you're going once a week. If I feed them before we leave they might be happy with hanging out with their friends and forget to ask for anything. Wishful thinking. Chris adores Panera! And Nicky is a huge fan of their cheese and broccoli soup. Mack will probably want to go if I mention it. He's such a social person and loves the opportunity to be a grown up kid. Aaron's nursing is cut down from yesterday, yay! Part of me is happy that he's not connected all the time. Part of me wishes he was nursing more so he'll plump up faster. It seems that I just can't be happy. I always need something to worry about, no wonder I'm getting gray hair. I will have to work on that. Chris is reading Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince. I wonder if he'll finish it. He's a book hopper. He starts books, reads about 10 chapters and stops. That would drive me insane. How can you not want to know what happens at the end?!?I offered to pay him to finish this one :X He's quite money motivated so maybe it will work. I really don't care what he reads, as long as he reads something everyday. It just annoys me that he never seems to finish anything. I guess this entry is at its end. I'm just rambling because I feel like typing at this point.

Just useless

It would seem like I'd be happy to sit around and do nearly nothing. I'm not. Baby is going through a growth spurt and nursing ALL the time! My jealous toddler is also nursing all the time. He fills in the gaps of my time the baby misses. Thanks, kid. And to add to the lack of movement I'm still tired because my blood is still low. Even when I do get up, I'm back on my butt an hour later because I'm exhausted. My husband says it's only been three weeks since Aaron was born so it's not a big deal. I think it's a big deal. I love being up and moving. We were out a lot last week and it was so fun! Granted, I did have to nap when I got home I still got to be me on those days. I should just take some iron supplements and get on with it but that really wouldn't stop my nursing issues would it? Hopefully baby will be done with the growth spurt soon. Nicky doesn't want to nurse quite as much when I'm not sitting. If I am, he thinks I'm a boobie buffet. The part that is really weird is that with a computer there are things I can do sitting but I don't want to do those things. I can be quite stubborn even towards myself! I've been meaning to re-write my control journal since November. Seriously, November? What is wrong with me? That would take very little effort but since I can't go for a walk, in the cold at that, I refuse to do the things I need to do. I've got my priorities all messed up :-/

My little secret

Very few people know about it because I'm a little embarrassed about it. My daughters have been in public school since November. There, it's all out in the open! They wanted to try it and I hoped that they would decide in a week that they hated it and I could pull them but it took a while longer. At THIS point they hate it. It's done them no good and one of my girls has ballooned 15 pounds since November due to emotional eating and stress. Lovely, huh? They didn't decide for sure they didn't want to be there until about a week ago and since it's been so long since they started, I asked that they finish the year out. Honestly, this was about the worst choice I've ever made. My girls are both slow, struggling learners. I knew this. I'm just built to always think things are always my fault. This isn't my fault. I must keep telling myself that. I've had them seen by specialists, I've had them tested. They will have done nearly a year in public school with no improvement. It is NOT my fault. My boys learn wonderfully. That bit was more for me than for anyone who might read this, lol. They have only suffered. Sure I got a break from the two of my children that are the most difficult but at what cost? Their self esteem? Their physical wellness? I feel like a selfish idiot. They miss their friends, the ones that don't treat them like crap. I miss my innocent little girls that don't talk about boys all day and how they want to kiss them. I miss their desire to go play and read and all the good things they used to be excited about. Now it's boys, people who don't like them(they do have a couple friends but it's just not the same) and all the work they must do that prevents them from having any life outside of school. I sent them off to school today begging to be home. It makes me want to cry for them. I did this thinking it might be good for them. I really thought this through but apparently I didn't think it through enough. So, they will de-school for the summer since even if they were in school they wouldn't be going and we'll get back into the groove of things at some point in August or September. I just have to remind myself of their school experiences the next time I get such a stupid idea. They didn't do any better when they were small and went to school. Amanda had 2 years of preschool and a half year of kindergarten. Frankie had a year and a half of preschool. They got nothing out of that either.

Dinner update(and lunch and snack too!)

We had a really healthy food day and everything met our kid's approval, woo hoo! For lunch I made chicken-veggie sandwiches on whole wheat pitas with grapes on the side. Oh, it was yum! I heated mine and Nick's since we both have an issue with cold food but it was really good! For snack I made the healthiest guacamole recipe I could find and we ate it with corn chips. It was really simple. 2 avocados, some onion, a splash of lemon, bit of salt and some garlic. I think it needed more garlic and I didn't add enough salt. I added some tomatoes too. I was the only one who thought it was lacking, they ate it up! For dinner the salmon was soooooo good! I still have to get used to fishy flavors as I've never been a fish eater but the kids all wanted seconds. We had it with brown rice and spinach as planned. Perfect! Maybe this healthier eating thing won't be so hard. I just have to look for better recipes of the things I know we like. Why didn't I think of that before?

And for the recipes. Salmon marinade : http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/Baked-Salmon-II/Detail.aspx

Guac: (read the comments and tweak to taste) http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/Best-Guacamole/Detail.aspx?prop31=5

The chicken salad recipe is from my book and I just don't feel like typing it all out. I will try when I have some free time. Aaron is not a happy or calm baby tonight!

Aaron Joseph's birth story

My youngest child is 3 weeks old. I just feel the need to put his birth story someplace :-)

On February 27, at 41 weeks 6 days, I started having some contractions at around 4:00. I’d been having them on and off for days so didn’t think too much of it. At around 6 they hadn’t stopped and I noticed that I’d also developed a leak. I went along as usual and the contractions started to pick up. I had my husband fill the pool in the hope that I might have the baby faster than my last or at least have some pain relief as things got more difficult. While in the pool at around 10 I got a big gush of fluid. I had several more gushes over the next few hours. One of which caused my oldest to stay away, he thought I peed myself, LOL! I labored all night and through the morning until about 11:00. At this point my contractions slowly tapered off and spaced to about 20 minutes apart after a couple hours. I stalled in my last labor at around this time so I thought it was just normal for me. After about 4 hours with no progress I did ask my husband to have a quick feel to see if I had made any progress at all and I had. I started to wonder after about 5 hours so I called a couple friends and got online. After a while I realized I wasn’t sure I wanted transition to come. I’d had some worries about how things happened in my last labor. I was worried about the pain as well as the lack of an urge to push. Although I thought I’d put these feelings aside they were still there. I asked my friend her opinion and she was blunt and honest, her words were what got me through the hardest part of my labor. She told me I needed to decide now if I wanted another major surgery or if I could put my fears aside and allow my body to do what it needed to do. My contractions were back before our conversation had ended. I knew the hospital was not the place for me but if I didn’t allow my body to continue that is exactly where I would end up. My labor was back in full force by 8:30. I labored on-with a little help from Bob Marley‘s music- without too much problem until around 9 when I got this pain. It wasn’t like any others and didn’t come with every contraction at first. I knew I was well into transition because this was the exact way things happened when I had my last homebirth. I was still hoping to get the urge to push so I did what I could to get through them. Soon it became apparent that I was losing control. I screamed, begged and prayed for this pain to stop! It’s odd, this kind of pain for me is almost like an urge to push. Once I literally couldn’t get through them I knew I had to push and my baby was born in less than 15 minutes at 10:32 pm on February 28-his brother‘s birthday. I pushed in my bed on all fours which is new for me. I was able to guide his head out by using small pushes with no tearing and hardly any hint of the ring of fire but my husband caught. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him more proud of himself. All in all it was a great birth and I’m so happy that my little one is here now. My oldest son(10) cut the cord. He was a little nervous and worried about hurting the baby at first but he did a great job! My 7 year old daughter clamped it, my husband coached her through. My 2 year old was the best little labor partner, he kept me happy and laughing during times when I didn’t think I could. My 8 year old slept through the birth she tried so hard to see. She’s quite the little midwife already. She was up with me half the first night doing anything I asked from poring water on my tummy to passing me drinks without so much as a word. After things settled we got him weighed and checked his length. He weighs 9 pounds 2 ounces and is 22 inches long. He’s my largest baby. He’s nursing well so far and is quite a demanding little guy!

What's for dinner?

I'm obsessed with my kids' nutrition. It's something I think about all the time. I wish I'd picked a simpler obsession. This one seems too complicated. There are simply too many opinions and too much to figure out. Not to mention the rebel children who refuse what's on their plate under the guise of 'it's gross' when they haven't even tried it yet. My older daughter has put on a bit of weight due to some life changes with her. Since December she's put on 11 pounds. I took her to the nutritionist and realized one 20 minute session with a woman who doesn't know me won't fix a thing. She didn't even scratch the surface. I bought two books by one of my favorite people to read about on raising kids-Dr. Sears. I'm about done reading 'The Healthiest Kid in the Neighborhood'. While I still find all the different requirements for the perfect diet enough to make my head explode, I'm much happier with the new knowledge I have. He makes it simpler and repeats things often. Gotta love repetition, makes things hard to forget. So, I'm changing my already decent eating habits to try to have a better diet. I don't actually think it will be too difficult as my children are used to my over concern with the things they put in their mouths. We have a few foods around here that I really want gone, like instant oatmeal. Did you know I adore instant oatmeal? I despise making breakfast. Instant oatmeal is easy enough for even my 5 year old to make and I will really miss it. It's now being replaced with steel cut oatmeal which means I have to cook breakfast. Blech! I don't mind cooking it occasionally but the thought of cooking during the most busy, loud and tiring part of the day doesn't make me happy. I've asked my children to eat it for breakfast everyday until it's gone. I also have a thing with being frugal so I can't just throw it out. There's a kid in Africa someplace that would love to have that food to eat! Or, that's what my mom always told me when I wasted food ;-) So we'll eat it. I also bought some hamburger helper a few months ago(probably like 7 or 8) because I was able to get it for 70 centa a box! Great deal right?!? Unless, the thought of feeding it to your kids makes you freak out. Holy sodium batman! So now I have like 30 boxes of hamburger helper taking up space and it will never get eaten. I'll have to donate it to someone because that's the only way I'll ever get rid of it. I have to remind my spend thrift self that it's only a deal if you will use what you've bought. Otherwise, it's a total waste. Lesson learned. So back to the original question that was asked. What's for dinner? We're planning to have salmon. It's rich in Omega-3s which I've read are greatly lacking in the American diet. I used to buy flax oil and give my kids a daily smoothy with it but I've slacked on doing that. I don't really care for fish so this will be harder for me than my kids who love it! We'll be eating it with brown rice and spinach. I'm looking forward to it. Hopefully I'll post again once I'm done. In the past I've sucked at blogging but I really want a blog so I'll try harder this time.