My little secret

Very few people know about it because I'm a little embarrassed about it. My daughters have been in public school since November. There, it's all out in the open! They wanted to try it and I hoped that they would decide in a week that they hated it and I could pull them but it took a while longer. At THIS point they hate it. It's done them no good and one of my girls has ballooned 15 pounds since November due to emotional eating and stress. Lovely, huh? They didn't decide for sure they didn't want to be there until about a week ago and since it's been so long since they started, I asked that they finish the year out. Honestly, this was about the worst choice I've ever made. My girls are both slow, struggling learners. I knew this. I'm just built to always think things are always my fault. This isn't my fault. I must keep telling myself that. I've had them seen by specialists, I've had them tested. They will have done nearly a year in public school with no improvement. It is NOT my fault. My boys learn wonderfully. That bit was more for me than for anyone who might read this, lol. They have only suffered. Sure I got a break from the two of my children that are the most difficult but at what cost? Their self esteem? Their physical wellness? I feel like a selfish idiot. They miss their friends, the ones that don't treat them like crap. I miss my innocent little girls that don't talk about boys all day and how they want to kiss them. I miss their desire to go play and read and all the good things they used to be excited about. Now it's boys, people who don't like them(they do have a couple friends but it's just not the same) and all the work they must do that prevents them from having any life outside of school. I sent them off to school today begging to be home. It makes me want to cry for them. I did this thinking it might be good for them. I really thought this through but apparently I didn't think it through enough. So, they will de-school for the summer since even if they were in school they wouldn't be going and we'll get back into the groove of things at some point in August or September. I just have to remind myself of their school experiences the next time I get such a stupid idea. They didn't do any better when they were small and went to school. Amanda had 2 years of preschool and a half year of kindergarten. Frankie had a year and a half of preschool. They got nothing out of that either.