A bit of normalcy

Today feels so right. My girls are home and I'm feeling so at ease. They fight so much after school I wondered if things could be peaceful again with both of them home. Things are perfect. I had suspected that stress led them to fight each other and their brothers so much and it was. Don't get me wrong, they fought before they started school but the amount and intensity has about tripled since then. That's really saying a lot since they aren't here half as much yet the fighting is three times as much! And no, this isn't an exaggeration. I can't wait for them to be home for good. I really miss this.

I've also noticed that when writing I don't talk about our day to day stuff anymore. In older blogs, my entries were filled with the things we'd done during the day. It's not that way anymore. Things seem so empty without my daughters around. Today is so full already. I've done my normal stuff but the excitement I've been missing is back! Not that it's been a busy day. It isn't. It's been a really lazy day full with cleaning, clothes and planning. But even though that is all we've done we've seen lots of art done by my girls, Chris isn't stuck to his computer like he'd normally be, Zach and Nicky are off playing peacefully together(after they finished singing to me and dancing), the girls seem obedient and loving again. They don't have these nasty attitudes that they somehow grow at school. They are being them. It only took 2 days, they haven't been to school since Wednesday.

I'm really hoping we get to go on the trip with our group on Wednesday. My van is really acting up. We're pretty sure the issue is the fuel pump. Mack will probably take it in on Monday. It would probably be best if he went in today. I can't be stuck in the house this week. I really want to make this a week to remember since the girls are home and I've been stuck around the house first due to pregnancy exhaustion and then for the first weeks after baby was born. Speaking of my little Aaron- he's a month old! I can't believe it's been a month already. The memory of his birth is so clear to me. I hope it's always so clear. Nicky's has never faded. I can remember it as if it were yesterday. The hospital births and all the frustrations that came with them have never been so clear. Not sure if that is because of all the drugs or simply because part of me wants to forget certain parts. Not that much of most of those births weren't happy, they were, I just felt very violated and my wishes and concerns were so often ignore. I'm still trying to make peace, especially with my c-sections. I'm not sure I'll ever make peace with the nightmare that was Frankie's birth. Had any of the staff had any compassion, it may not have been so horrible.